Before hitting the send button, W asked if I was ready.
I yelled out something like “fire in the hole!” or “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
I can’t be sure. It all happened so fast.
And they were gone.
We held our breath for a really long time.
The world didn’t explode.
We laid sideways on our bed on our stomachs, stared at W’s iPad and waited for the first response. We had set the over-under line at 10 minutes. W took the under. I took the over.
We giggled like schoolgirls laying on our bed like that with our feet dangling off the edge, wondering what we just set in motion.
So, we are busy planning our wedding. It’s going to be an informal picnic-style affair. Pot luck, of course, because after all we are lesbians. (See page 23 of Lesbian Handbook.)
We had a formal commitment ceremony a few years ago with all the bells and whistles. This is just a party with vows because now we can get legally hitched in Pennsylvania. We get to celebrate that we are still in love and still choose each other. We have another opportunity to get together with friends and family. I have a close friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, so right now I am acutely aware of how little time we spend with the people we love most.
Just this once I think we get the sweeter deal. We get two wedding celebrations because we’re gay. Take that straight people!
Every once in a while, W asks me if I’m sure I want to marry her. Like when she’s in wedding-planning mode.
Every once in a while, I ask W if she’s sure she wants to marry me. Like when I’m setting over-under lines for everything and making her watch another “quirky” movie.
We pretend to call it off every couple of days.
I thought I would be more nervous than I am. Because this time it’s for realz.
But I’m ok. (And not just my normal butch I-told-you-I’m-ok-now-leave-me-the-hell-alone ok, but really ok.)
I think of me and W stretched out on our bed and laughing like kids. I want to bottle that feeling of lightness and happiness and connection.
I guess I’ll just marry her instead.