Tag Archives: The Bloggess

Meet my new pretend cat

I didn’t feel like doing any work today.

So I watched “Sex in the City” the movie.  And cried.  Ok, not really.  But I was really torn up inside.  Um, again, not really.

But it could have happened.  I was in one of those places.

Every once in awhile, I’ll have a day like this.  I’ll watch hour after hour of Hoarders, or Wife Swap or Storage Wars instead of working.

It’s one of the perks of working from home.  That and pajamas.

If I can stem the tide at just one lost day, I’m usually ok.

Four hours of Hoarders followed by a double Keeping Up with the Kardashians chaser is just an off day.

It doesn’t officially add up to depression until it extends into the next day and the next.

I like to think of it as a TV holiday.  Everyone should get a few TV holidays every year, if you ask me.  Today’s TV holiday is no doubt legitimate as it falls smack dab between the high Jewish holy days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  Jesus himself couldn’t have planned it any better.

I text the wife.

Me: I don’t want to work any more.  Ever.

W: We should play the lottery more.

But I don’t want to play the lottery.  I would have to leave the house and drive to 7-Eleven.  I went to Wawa last night in my PJs to pick up dinner, and I don’t think I’m ready for another convenience store just yet.  At least not until more people start shopping in lounge pants.  What does everyone have against pajamas, anyway?

I am beginning to think of pajamas as a double-edged sword.  Don’t be fooled by their forgiving elastic waistbands or fluffy fleece softness.

I text W again.

Me: I’m leaving to adopt a cat now.

W: Okay.

Me: I named her Josie.

W: Awww.  I can’t wait to meet her.

Me: She’s very shy.

W: So maybe she’ll be hiding?

Me: Maybe, baby.

W: I wonder if I’ll ever see her.

Me: Who knows.

When I’m feeling out of sorts, I always get the urge to take in another cat.  I don’t know why.  However, this is better than other urges like cocaine and meth and having sex with the underage girl in the Catholic school uniform.

We have three cats, plus Josie, who is pretend, so I’m not sure if that counts as four or not.  Being that she’s imaginary and all.

P.S. She’s named after Josie from Josie and the Pussycats, if you haven’t already guessed.  The animated cartoon series — not the movie.

Hot, sweet, super-cool
Don’t you know
These kitties rule?

I just read Jenny Lawson’s bestselling book, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.  Jenny blogs as “The Bloggess,” if you didn’t know.  Anyway, the book is laugh-out-loud funny.  She writes extensively about her cats and constantly refers to them as “assholes.”

I’m not sure that our cats are assholes, though.  Don’t get me wrong.  They certainly can be at times.  But mostly they are odd and needy and neurotic and just not right in the head.

I guess they make me feel better about myself.  Or, maybe they’re just extensions of my own weirdness and neuroticism.

Anyway, they make me happy.  So does the fact that W humors me and lets me adopt as many invisible cats as I want.  I can’t ask for anything more.

I had better go see what Josie has gotten into now.

Josie …