I had to go to Kohl‘s today and pay my credit card bill.
If you’re not familiar with Kohl’s, it’s a department store sort of like J.C. Penney but way better.
Because I was already inside the store, I decided to do some shopping.
Here’s what Middle Age Butch bought:
How can this not make you smile?
One snowman hand towel for the freshly painted downstairs bathroom. $4.00. Who says lesbians can’t be interior decorators? They had a really cute and fluffy white snowman towel, but we have three teenage boys. You do the math. Note to butch: Don’t forget to buy a lot of really nice white stuff like towels and rugs — but not cocaine — after the kids leave home. You probably won’t need mind-numbing drugs after the kids leave home. It’ll be like one giant Dinah Shore White Party every single day of the week.
Can’t wait to rock these
One pair of Philadelphia Phillies pajama bottoms. $4.20. On clearance. Things I love: the Phillies, pajamas, elastic waistbands, sleep. Win, win, win, win. I will be like Charlie Sheen when I wear these this spring. Winning. Big time. So cute. I love the tiny little silver button on the fly. And they have pockets! Bonus.
Sporty yet dressy
One hooded vest. $7.20. On clearance. Not sure why they don’t have a butch lesbian section as a subset of the young men’s department. Or, a Justin Bieber section. Same thing. This screams “lesbian” just like a flannel shirt or a Chicks Dig Me tee. Or, maybe “boy band,” but who’s counting. The vest is a soft sweatshirty gray material lined in black with a drawstring hood. Sweet. Would look great with a plain white tee underneath, a pair of jeans and black Doc Marten’s. Middle Age Butch needs to lose a few pounds to really rock this. Combines two of my favorite things — vests and sweatshirts. Wondering how to combine other things I love … like pizza and beer, wool socks and buttonfly jeans …
Funny yet so true
One funny unicorn T-shirt. $2.40. On clearance. Ok, so Middle Age Butch is not all fluffy and rainbowy and into unicorns and glitter. I mean, I would eat unicorn meat in a heartbeat. Especially barbequed unicorn. Or braised unicorn. Or unicorn parmesan. Wow, my mouth is actually watering now. But this T-shirt caught my eye. I have a thing for T-shirts. Which means that I have way too many and when I open up my closet to grab one to wear, the whole pile teeters and I have to quick close the door before they come crashing down and bury me alive. Although in the realm of all possibilities, being suffocated by my awesome T-shirt collection is not such a bad way to go out. Oh, I like jokey things about therapy, too. If you haven’t noticed.
What about you? What’s the coolest thing you’ve purchased in recent weeks?