Tag Archives: lavender

Leaving the center empty for God

 

downloadI’m still reading Maggie Nelson’s memoir The Argonauts. This story about Nelson’s relationship with her “fluidly gendered partner” Harry takes a look at the hot button topics of sexuality, gender and what it means to be a family.

It’s been taking me longer than usual to get through this slim book of less than 150 pages. It’s a heavy read, packed with thoughts and insights that seem best suited for slow, meditative pondering.

In the pages I read last night, Nelson writes about a lecture she attended given by poet and professor Anne Carson in which Carson spoke about the concept of leaving a space empty so God can rush in.

imagesNelson said she had heard about this concept from a boyfriend who was into bonsai. In bonsai, people often plant a tree off-center in the pot to allow space for the divine.

“But that night Carson made the concept literary,” Nelson writes. “I went home fastened to the concept of leaving the center empty for God. It was like stumbling into a tarot reading or AA meeting and hearing the one thing that will keep you going, in heart or art, for years.”

That’s what I’m thinking about these days. Leaving the center empty for God in my writing and in my life.

The Argonauts is a terrific read. Dense and intense but worth the effort.

P.S. I’ve been sleeping better.

I find that when I’m focused on social media and the news, I have a bad day,” I told W yesterday at dinner.

“And when I stay away from social media and the news, I have a better day,” I told her.

“Then stay away from social media and the news,” she said like a Sapphic sage.

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Night, night, you big butch.

That’s been helping, plus W has been rubbing my face with lavender butter before bedtime. She rubs the thick cream on her hands and then smooths it on my forehead, my temples, the back of my neck and a little under my nose.

It smooths over the jagged edges of the day. I have been sleeping like a baby these days.

Plus, it makes me feel like I’m being taken care of, which is a nice feeling right before bed.

We just ordered a new batch of butter. Check out Renaissance Lavender on etsy if you are in need of a magic sleeping potion.

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Middle-age butch checks in

I’m alive.

Coming up for air.

Writing like a big bad butch.

This update is brought to you by Red Bull. And all the cups of coffee I’ve consumed.  Thank you, Red Bull and coffee.

Things that have happened since my last post:

I have learned that marriage is a money saver.  Straight people have been sitting on this secret for years.  When we paid our auto insurance premium last month, we updated our status to married.  Progressive ended up sending us a check for $46.  That’s right, married people get free money.  For being married.  So, if you live in a state that allows same-sex marriage, go for it.  Because free money.

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Married people get free money just for being married.

I changed one of the main characters in my novel in progress from a former beauty queen to a former female wrestler. Does anyone out there remember GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling)? It debuted in 1986. C’mon lesbians, think.  Extra points if you can name any of these spandexed gals.

Do you remember this show?

Do you remember this show?  Do you know these women?

W is on a lavender kick. She bought this new lavender butter (not for toast!) that she rubs on before bed. After she coats herself in a thin coat of lavender, she rubs it on my cheeks and my chin and under my nose. I giggle because it seems so girly.  But I have been sleeping like a giant butch baby.  Zzzzzzz.

This is what I dream about at night?

This is what I dream about at night?

And W is great.  She humors me about this crazy writing thing.  Like when I start talking to myself, she gently asks who I’m talking to.  And at night when I say that maybe I’m not a fiction writer after all, she just rolls over and says “goodnight, baby.”

Back to the grind. If you’re doing NaNoWriMo, feel free to add me  as a buddy(my handle is rtheo).