Tag Archives: junk food

This lesbian needs a fresh coat of paint

I’m feeling a little bit better today.

It’s 10:40, and I’m up and showered and dressed.  In sweatpants but they still count as clothes.

I’ve decided to start my day in a positive way.  I’m having a whole wheat English muffin with organic, no-sugar peanut butter and bananas and a low-fat yogurt.

Combos, snack food and entertainment

However, I’m craving chemical food like Pop-Tarts because they’re crazy good and Combos.  The pretzel Combos filled with fake cheddar cheese because I like to split them open longwise in my mouth and scoop out the neon orange cheese with my tongue.  So, Combos are actually a food and a hobby.  And coffee.  I want coffee.  I don’t even like coffee, but I want the central nervous system stimulant contained within.  I am a junk food junkie.

I’m going to start prepping and painting our downstairs bathroom after I finish this blog post.

We have two bathrooms that need painting.  We only have two bathrooms, so in case you were thinking that we live in a mansion with 32 bathrooms and only 1/16th of them need sprucing up, don’t.  One hundred percent of our bathrooms need work.

The upstairs bathroom needs a lot of prep work.  There’s mold that needs to be removed and peeling paint that has to be scraped and sanded.  I might need to replace some wood paneling.  The whole room needs scrubbed down.

Which is precisely why I’m starting with the downstairs bathroom.  I can knock the whole thing out in a couple of hours.  It just needs a quick wipe down and a fresh coat of paint.

This guy might have owned our house

When we moved into the house, the previous owner had painted every room mustard yellow.  At first, I thought he might be a descendant of Colonel Mustard with an affinity for the color mustard.  And candlesticks and neatly secured sections of rope, of course.  Or maybe an heir to the French’s mustard fortune.  “I just love the color mustard,” he would go around exclaiming.

We later discovered that the owner was just plain cheap and had gotten several drums of mustard colored paint on clearance at Home Depot.

There’s something so redemptive and renewing about a fresh coat of paint.  It can change a room completely.

Some days I wish I could paint myself from head to toe for a fresh start.  But, of course, leaving a little patch blank to prevent skin suffocation and impending death like that chick in Goldfinger.

Right now, I’d opt for a flat gray to go with my mood, so I should probably hold off on that.

Maybe a canary yellow when I’m feeling up to it or a calming sky blue.

For some reason, I think any personal rejuvenation is going to take more than fresh paint.  There’s some peeling and stripping and patching and toxin removal that needs to be completed before this butch slaps on a cosmetic coat of fresh paint.

Pussy Galore from Goldfinger. Just because.