With thanks on National Coming Out Day

Just this giant tub of popcorn. Oh, and these three lesbian films.

Thank you to the clerks at my local Blockbuster store who rented me all of those lesbian movies when I was trying to figure out if I was a lesbian. You were always kind and professional and never gave me a sideways glance, even when I rented When Night Is Falling two times in a row for, ahem, “research.”

Thanks to Melissa Etheridge for her 2001 memoir The Truth Is … that I read and re-read when I was coming out. And for the album Yes I am, which turned 25 this year. If Melissa could announce to the world on the cover of an album that she was, I knew I could tell the people in my life that I was, too.

Thanks to the Indigo Girls. Along with Melissa, you provided the soundtrack to my coming out. Rites of Passage was so aptly named.

I still love you, Jess. Always and forever.

Thank you to Jessica Stein. I was coming out in real life when you were coming out in the movie Kissing Jessica Stein, even though you weren’t really gay and ended up with the guy at the end. Helen was super sexy. What were you thinking? Anyway, when I was sitting in the movie theater with my Raisinets and newfound knowledge, it was like we were both coming out together.

Thank you to my therapist who organized coming out groups for women married to men. I thought I was the only one in the world. And to all of those women who participated in those groups. It was an honor to come out alongside you.

Thanks to Sisters, the lesbian bar in Philadelphia, that provided a safe meeting place for people like me. And the cute bartender who always called me “hon.” (Yes, I know she called everyone “hon.”)

Thanks to Ellen and Billie Jean and Martina and k.d. and Rosie.

Thank you to my brother who told me he just wanted me to be happy. Seemingly small words that I still remember to this day.

I’m gay! What are you going to do about it?

Thanks to Xena: Warrior Princess, who I caught in reruns that summer. I drew my warrior strength from you. Aieeeeee!

Thank you to my friends who just nodded their heads. “Of course,” they all said.

And to my wife, who has to come out again and again because she’s not a butch like me. You do it with such grace and aplomb.

Thank you to all who came out before me and paved the way. The life I live today is possible because of you.

To everyone in my life who accepts me for who I am, you allow me to be myself every single day. You might not think you’re making a difference, but you are.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

(This post is an edited version of something I posted back in 2016.)

* * *

Who do you need to thank for your coming out?

Manuscript update and special request

Hey there Flannel Filers!

I’ve been so busy working on my new manuscript that I fear I’ve neglected you.

How are you? Don’t be like that. You know I love you.

Anyway, more about me.

My new book is called “My Mother Says Drums Are for Boys.” It’s a collection of stories and other musings about gender, coming out and, of course, living as a butch.

Thumbs up to you, too, Amy!

I write about Joan Jett, Janet Jackson and which is the better Indigo Girl to name drop on a first date. Amy Ray. The answer is Amy Ray.

In my book, I’d like to include a list of things people have been told are only for boys (or girls). The color pink, unicorns, G.I. Joe action figures …

Like the title of my book says, my mother told me drums are for boys, and I  still feel the sting of that 40 years later.

Have a great weekend, everyone! And thanks for your help!

* * *

What were you told was only for boys or girls?

 

 

 

In concert with the Indigo Girls

“Are you going to blog that I cried at the Indigo Girls concert?” W asked.

“Of course not,” I replied.

“I don’t mind,” she said.

“Right, you’re not a butch,” I said.

So there was that. W cried. But not until the “Closer to Fine” encore.

We were five rows from the stage for this special acoustic show.

“Feel free to ask questions,” Emily said right after the opening number, “Power of Two.”

The audience did, and the duo told stories about their kids, getting older and who they’d like to see in concert. (Taylor Swift. Seriously.) When someone asked why the new album doesn’t have a track number 11, they admitted it was a proofreading error.

“We’re never going to be professionals,” Amy said.

And I think that’s the charm of the Indigo Girls. They have this down-to-earth appeal.

They played “Galileo” right before “Closer to Fine.” That made me happy. God, I love that song.

It was a perfect day. Me, W and the Indigo Girls. And then we rode off into the sunset.

 

This is what we saw on the ride home.

 

“Now the parking lot is empty

Everyone’s gone someplace

I pick you up and in the trunk I’ve packed

A cooler and a 2-day suitcase

Cause there’s a place we like to drive

Way out in the country

Five miles out of the city limit we’re singing

And your hand’s upon my knee”

— Indigo Girls, “Power of Two”

* * *

What about you? What’s the last concert you saw?

Searching for the Indigo Girls

 W and I are seeing the Indigo Girls on Sunday in what is being billed as a special acoustic performance. I got her tickets for her birthday.

Today, I stopped by our local Best Buy to pick up the new Indigo Girls CD. Yes, we still buy CDs. We are old school like that. Word to your mother.

I couldn’t find the CD on the shelves, so I sought out a Best Buy employee to aid in the search. Before all was said and done, there were three boys in blue huddled around a computer screen and then the CD rack. One of them handed me a copy of “One Lost Day.”

So, how many Best Buy employees does it take to help a lesbian find the new Indigo Girls album? The answer is three.

Mail call for Middle-age Butch

They came today.

A box inside a box.

There they were.  Nestled under a tissue paper blanket.

I slowly peeled back the paper.  A thousand tiny angels started to sing.  It was beautiful.  Like when the Indigo Girls hit that note in “Closer to Fine.”  But better because these were angels.

I almost wept.  But then remembered I’m a butch.

Custom Converse.  White with navy blue tongues, laces and stitching.  Paisley/skull pattern inset.  Black rubber racing stripes.  Silver eyelets.  Navy blue outer heel stripes.

With the date of the wedding stitched on the back.