Tag Archives: dying

Loving as we live

imagesCA0XFFSAW’s grandmother is sick.  She was placed on hospice about two weeks ago.

During one of our visits, there was some talk about a grandson who had yet to visit.

Grandmom paused, thinking about the message that she wanted to relay in case anything happened to her before she saw her grandson in person.

“Oh, he knows I love him,” she said.

And, he does.  They all do.  The sons, the daughter, their spouses, the grandchildren, even the great-grandchildren.

She made sure in her 91 years that everyone knew — really knew — that she loves and values them all.  Now, as she sits propped up in a hospital bed in her daughter’s home looking out the windows at a pair of birdfeeders, she doesn’t have any catching up to do.

They already know.

* * *

I have a leather-bound journal that I use to jot down quotes that I find profound or insightful.  A turn of a phrase that resonates with me or makes me say “huh” in a good way.

“I’ll probably really figure out exactly how to be alive right when I’m gasping for my last breath.”

That’s a quote from The Book of Ruth by Jane Hamilton.  I wrote it down because it mirrors how I feel.

* * *

If something happened to me and my time here on Earth was suddenly up, would everyone in my life know that I love them?

I’m not so sure.  I’d like to think so, but there have been so many times when I haven’t had a kind word, the extra time, a smile, patience, understanding, forgiveness.

I struggle with so many things, which is why I find it plausible that I’ll never get it all figured out until the very end.  A self-defeating thought, sure enough.

When I start thinking about how I’ll never get this life thing right, I hope I’ll always remember Grandmom and how she loved as she went.

So that I won’t ever have to play catch up with the things that really matter.

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