Tag Archives: DOMA

Marriage equality and groundhogs

It was a crazy busy day.  The kind of day that makes me ask “is this really my life?”  But in a good kind of way.  Like the question is spelled out in rainbow-colored bubble letters, covered in buttercream icing, stuffed with firecrackers and placed in a Tilt-a-Whirl.  It is crazy but fun and delicious and dangerous all at the same time.

Today’s schedule of events
9:00 a.m. — Take kid #3 to camp in my pajamas
10:00 a.m. — Start searching Internet for news on Supreme Court’s DOMA ruling
10:10 a.m — Learn that court has struck down DOMA as unconstitutional
10:11 a.m. — Look for verification
10:12 a.m. — Cry (shhh …. don’t tell anyone)
10:13 a.m. — Start writing blog post about Supreme Court’s decision
11:45 a.m. — Publish post
12:00 p.m. — Pick up kid #3 from camp in my pajamas
12:15 p.m. — Start work
12:56 p.m. — Spy groundhog in front room of our house
12:57 p.m. — Yes, there’s a groundhog inside our house
12:58 p.m. — That was a groundhog, right?
12:59 p.m. — Holy shit, a groundhog!
1:00 p.m. — Set up humane trap in room
1:01 p.m. — Barricade door to room (because there’s a groundhog in there)
1:32 p.m. — Watch groundhog try to get bait from wrong end of trap
1:33 p.m. — Re-bait trap, leaving a trail of produce leading to trap entrance
1:51 p.m. — Hear loud snap
1:52 p.m. — Captured
1:53 p.m. — Take pictures of captured groundhog like Animal Planet paparazzi
2:00 p.m. — Place trap with groundhog inside on back porch in shade
2:10 p.m. — Return to work
2:15 p.m. — Wonder why I’m not getting any work done today
3:12 p.m. — Give interview to  Philadelphia Inquirer on Supreme Court ruling
3:17 p.m. — Text W that I need a nap and sex
3:18 p.m. — Not in that order
4:15 p.m. — Read my Freewill Astrology at W’s suggestion (I am advised of the following poem and its significance in my life right now: In his erotic poem “Your Sex,” Joe Bolton exults: “My heart simplified, I touch the bud of happiness — it’s in season.  And whatever grief I might have felt before simply dies inside me.”)
4:16 p.m. — Mind blown
4:45 p.m. — Shower
6:30 p.m. — Drop kid #3 off at movie party at friend’s house
7:00 p.m. — W’s brother arrives to transport groundhog to new home

Here he is

Here he is

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Thank you, Supreme Court

Supreme Court and rainbow flagI didn’t think I would care.

W and I live our lives just like any married couple.

We had a commitment ceremony a couple of years ago.  In our eyes, it was a real wedding, even though there was no officiant and we never received an official marriage license in the mail.

We do everything that married couples do.  She falls asleep with the TV and her bedside light on.  This drives me crazy.  I have my own annoying habits like taking off my socks in the middle of the night and leaving them in the sheets and apparently snoring like a lumberjack with a head cold.  We disagree about whether it’s ok to eat at not-so-gay-friendly Chik-fil-a and the best way to get from here to there.

We always kiss and make up though.  Always.  At night when the world has gone dark and we are sleeping side by side, everything seems and feels just right.

What does it matter that we can’t file our taxes jointly.  I get domestic partner benefits through her employer.  So, there’s that.

And, besides, I tried that man-woman marriage thing once before, and it wasn’t so great.

When you’re gay, you have to think outside the box, and that’s always been fine by me.  I’ve never fit into boxes anyway.

So, this morning when I read that the U.S. Supreme Court had struck down the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional, I surprised myself by tearing up.  (Ok, I sobbed, but don’t tell anyone.  This butch has a rep to protect.)

It wasn’t about the marriage issue at the heart of the ruling.

It was more about the fact that I’ve felt like a second-class citizen most of my life.  Not good enough.  Never good enough.  Not only in the eyes of others but in my eyes as well.

But on this hot and muggy summer morning, a beautiful and sublime morning, the highest court in the land said gays and lesbians are entitled to “equal liberty.”

W and I don’t live in a state that allows gay marriage.  That doesn’t make the ruling any less sweet.

This morning as I read about the decision, I felt good enough — not just in the eyes of the law but in my own heart.