I woke up early this morning with a nervous stomach, which shook loose this memory:
I’m in college.
I’m wearing a black sweater and a pair of black and hunter green checked pants that have one of those funny hook and button things like men’s dress slacks.
I’m sporting a pair of black penny loafers, a shiny penny looking out from the center of each like cooper eyes.
The campus is cold and dark and still at this time of the morning. A group of us are boarding a small yellow school bus that will take us to our student teaching assignments.
I don’t want to be a student teacher, but my parents are pushing for it. Besides, what else do you do with a degree in English?
I feel sick in my stomach those weeks that I teach. Sure, part of it is plain old nerves. But there’s something else. That feeling of not belonging that I can’t seem to shake.
This weekend, I’m attending a creative nonfiction conference. This weekend, I’m speaking at a creative nonfiction conference.
Along with the founder of my writing group, I’ll be presenting How to Find Your Tribe or How a Writing Group Saved My Life.
A little dramatic, I know. But we’re writers, folks.
So, that’s where the nervous stomach is coming from.
But I know I’ll be okay. Talking about my writing group is a passion of mine. And I’m no longer that 20-some-year-old mullet-headed kid in the penny loafers. Did I not mention that magical mullet of mine? Must have slipped my mind.
I’ve got a tribe. A tribe of writer friends who make me feel like a cross between Dorothy Allison and Alison Bechdel.
A tribe of blogging buddies who make me feel like a flannel-covered rock star. A little bit of Melissa Etheridge and a little bit of Joan Jett and a little bit of Xena Warrior Princess because she is a bad ass, too, and this is my blog so I can write what I want. And anyway, she could play a helluva lute, at least when she was inspired.
On my last post, my catsup-versus-mayo-on-fries post, Family Values Lesbian replied that “mayo on fries is as butch as glitter.”
I laughed out loud then smiled real big on the inside, sorta like the Grinch when the corners of his smile almost touch the sky and his heart grows three sizes that day.
“What?” W asked.
“My peeps,” I said. “They get me.”
And that’s my hope for everyone–the writers I’ll be speaking to on Saturday at the conference, all the LGBTQ folks out there who might not have built-in support systems and the rest of the world, too. People who get you. A personal cheering section. Folks who support you like a really good bra and tell you to keep going, you got this, you can do it. Even if the road ahead is paved with glitter. Or whatever it is that’s your kryptonite.
Thanks, guys, for always being a part of my tribe.
I had a nervous stomach every day that I student taught. Now the nerves usually show up in sleepless nights like they did last night. I would be a lot more anxious, though, if I had to do this presentation on my own. Thanks for leading the way.
Glad you will be there to have my back. Not feeling so nervous today. I’m practiced and prepared and excited for what’s to come.
Just be you, MAB. There’s nothing better. You’ve got this. xo
Thanks, WW. Always appreciate your support.
Oh, that mullet! … Huge congrats on being a speaker. Have a blast. Remember to breathe. 😀
You must admit–it’s a glorious mullet. Thanks for the advice about that breathing thing. It came in handy.
Glad to be of service!