Today I’m a 50-year-old boy

I turn 50 today.

It’s weird because most days I feel like a kid. A young boy somewhere in the age range of 12 to 17.


Sir, I’ve been reading this great blog called The Flannel Files.

Most people I know say they don’t feel like adults either. Which means we’re all living in a giant Peanuts cartoon. No adults for miles–just an occasional wah wa-wah in the distance. You can call me Peppermint Patty. Or sir. Take your pick. Even though this lesbian doesn’t rock sandals.


W is throwing me a big party on Saturday complete with a party bus. I don’t know the details, so the rest is a surprise.

But today we’ll spend a quiet evening at home with the kids.

We’ll get pizza or some other takeout. I’ll open presents.


Super sweet.

I already bought myself these cool black Puma throwbacks as a happy-birthday-to-me gift.

I’m thinking of treating myself to another pair in baby blue.

“Like my eyes,” I told W.

“Yes,” she said.

“My eyes are green,” I said.

“I meant they would compliment your eyes,” she said.


Super sweet, too.

She doesn’t understand how sneakers work.

I’ll wait for next weekend to see The Lego Batman Movie. Maybe as a reward for getting our taxes ready.

“No thank you,” W said when I first asked her if she wanted to see the movie. She has since agreed to see it with me. Because pity, I guess. But whatever. It’s The Lego fucking Batman Movie.

And I’ll save some birthday money for comic books. To spend at that new store in Philly W said we could visit the weekend we see Cabaret.

I suppose 50 means I’m wise. At least wiser than I was at 49. If I’ve learned anything these past five decades, it’s be true to yourself. Live your authentic life.

Even if you’re a 50-year-old boy/woman and that means sneakers and comic books and The Lego fucking Batman Movie.

Life is too short, folks.

* * *

What Peanuts character are you? What’s your favorite type of sneaker? Put them together and make some kind of drag king/queen name. You know you want to. C’mon, it’s my birthday. Humor me.


Pat Puma


39 responses to “Today I’m a 50-year-old boy

  1. Well Happy Birthday! Enjoy!

  2. Lego Batman is awesome. He has a 9-pack.

    Yes, 9.

    He has an extra ab.

  3. At 56, I am still looking for the wisdom I didn’t have at 49. Schroeder Nike.

  4. Happy Freakin’ Birthday to YOOOOUUU!!! It’s not so bad this side of 50. And I totally relate to feeling like a kid. I’m a 12-15 year old girl (if you haven’t noticed). I do not relate to the word “woman.” That is my mother, mother-in-law, step-mother, etc.

    I’m dying to see Lego Batman! If W bails on you, let me know. I’ll go with you. πŸ™‚

    I got a rock.
    Charlie Converse

  5. Oh! I forgot to tell you…you are now eligible for an AARP card. I got one. It’s very nice. πŸ˜‰

  6. Happy Bday! And it only gets better on the other side of 50.
    Snoopy Snike

  7. Happy happy!
    Peppermint Boots.

  8. My boys loved Lego Batman! Ditto my lovely better half. Me, well, I took one for the team!

  9. 50! That’s a milestone. But I agree with you, stay young at heart. Life is definitely too short. And if you ask me, you’ve learned the best lesson of all – “Live your authentic life.” – I’m a Sketchers girl all the way. I go for comfort and ease. I’m a little bit Lucy (bossy) and a little bit Sally (sweet). So I guess that makes me maybe Laid Back Lucy or Sketchy Sally. ?? – At any rate, Happy Birthday, Sir. Hope you and W have a very special night.

  10. Linus Converse here. Happy Birthday and welcome to the 50s. Time to not give a crap what anyone thinks and have some fun.

    • It’s very liberating to not care so much what people think. Our kids are teenagers very concerned with the perception of others. You couldn’t pay me enough to send me back in time.

  11. Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy the Lego Batman movie. I haven’t seen the promos for it, guess I just don’t pay enough attention. Be well! Peace! ~MB

  12. Happy birthday! I hope it’s wonderful. And you’re right, it’s way more important to be true to yourself that anything else in life. If I were a Peanuts character, I’d probably be Linus, and my favorite shoes are Converse – not sure that makes a great drag name though?

    • Thanks! It’s been a blast. I hate that it took me so long to learn some of these lessons, but I guess they’ll stick with me more. Maybe not such a great drag name. Lots of Converse lovers here.

  13. Happy Birth Day!!! … may you get lots of loot! πŸ˜€

  14. Happy Birthday, mah dude! Won’t go so far to say I feel like my ‘teenage’ self, but I will tell you that I’ve been twenty-eight for a damn-long time! Enjoy your day!

    I’ve always been partial to the classic leather three-stripe Adidas, glad to see they’re bringing them back. Guess that makes me Linus Adidas…πŸ˜‰

  15. not just a country boi

    Happy Belated Birthday !! 50 huh? pfffttt still young, yanno, growing up is completely optional, I don’t recommend it at all.

  16. happy belated! My favorite Peanuts character is Linus and my favorite running shoes are Vans, all the way, how weird Linus is a Van Pelt, too cool

  17. Hey, happy birthday (late), Peppermint Puma! I must be Linus Wingtips. I had my48th birthday on the first. I gave myself a Nintendo Switch, and it will arrive by Friday! Yay!

    • Happy Birthday to you, too! Love a nice pair of wingtips. I’ve been wanting a pair of navy blue ones for awhile now. Have fun with your new toy! I know what you’ll be doing this weekend.

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