I can’t sleep at night. I’m up worrying about what’s happening in my country. I keep reading tweets in my feed until there are no more new ones. Then I refresh the top news stories. I switch back and forth between Twitter and the news until there is nothing new to see and it’s as safe as it’s going to be to go to sleep.
I had my writer’s group today and we wrote to the prompt of “hope.”
“I hope the world doesn’t end tonight when I close my eyes and pull up the covers,” I wrote.
Everyone laughed a big, loud nervous laugh as if to say, ha! isn’t that funny because I’m waiting for the world to end, too. Like minds and all.
I’ve been trying to work on a bunch of stories. I start them but am having trouble finishing. I’m having trouble focusing.
These things come easier: stressing, blaming, feeling angry.
I try to remember that everything can be boiled down to two things–love and fear.
And if someone is acting out of fear, we should treat that person with compassion. Even though I want to throw a bucket of fire ants on them. Or make them watch Ishtar ten times in a row.
But I’m not there yet. I’m back at hey, get on your knees and apologize for what you’ve done. And, we told you so (while blowing a big, fat raspberry).
Right now, I need to unplug for longer periods of time. And be kind to myself so that I can be kind to others. Don’t forget to strap the kindness mask to yourself before assisting others. It’s a saying, people.
I wore my new Superman socks today and they gave me the courage to get through the day.
I treated myself to a pizza for dinner, but the cats knocked it on the floor before I could finish it. Because they are assholes and obviously part of whatever alt-right, fascist conspiracy is going on right now.
I had lunch with my writer friends.
There were donuts at writing group today.
Tomorrow is a new day. I have more Superman socks (it was a three-pack). After Thursday, all bets are off.
What I’m trying to say is that you’re not the only one feeling nervous or anxious or stressed.
Don some superhero gear, drink your favorite beverage, order takeout (unless you have asshole cats). Get together with friends. Read a good book at night. Howl at the moon. Take hot showers until your skin turns pink. Whatever you’ve got to do to get you through. Beer, too. And flannel sheets and dirty haikus.
And then compassion, folks. So much compassion you need extra napkins.
Until then, I’ll be here on my ipad typing more words.
The Flannel Files 
Thank you for this. I broke down crying last night after my wife and I went to bed. It was the first time I’d gone from throat punching rage to full blown sadness. The fear is always there too. Hope visits time to time. Thanks for the reminder to do self care too. I know this as a children’s mental health therapist, but reminders are wonderful.
I know just how you feel. Many of us are going through a range of emotions … sometimes several all at the same time. We need to be kind to ourselves so that we can be kind to others. Stay informed and resist when you are able but allow for down time and the little things that bring you comfort and joy.
By the way, thanks for reading and commenting.
Each day brings another reminder of just how far someone can fall, (and no, I’m not gonna offer ’em a hand up) but, each day someone else rises up and lifts us a little bit higher. We’re at the tip of dark times, an abyss looms but if we choose to be the people who do the rising up, no matter how dark that chasm gets, we will not succumb.
Thanks, Widds. I needed this. Yesterday I got bogged down with the darkness. Today, I’m ready to turn that around.
Of course now no will have.to try and write a dirty Haiku.
Yes, the world needs more dirty Haikus!