Gratitude (#NationalComingOutDay)


Just these three lesbian movies please and a pack of microwave popcorn.

Thank you to the clerks at my local Blockbuster store who rented me all of those lesbian movies when I was trying to figure out if I was a lesbian. You never batted an eye, even when I rented When Night Is Falling two times in a row for “research.”

Thanks to Melissa Etheridge for her 2001 memoir The Truth Is … that I read and re-read when I was coming out. And for the album Yes I am. If you could announce to the world on the cover of an album that you were, I knew I could tell the people in my life that I was, too.

Thanks to the Indigo Girls. Along with Melissa, you provided the soundtrack to my coming out. Somebody bring me some water. Please.


I still love you, Jessica Stein.

Thank you to Jessica Stein. I was coming out in real life when you were coming out in your movie Kissing Jessica Stein, even though you weren’t really gay and ended up with the guy at the end. Helen was super sexy. What were you thinking? Anyway, when I was sitting in the movie theater with my Raisinets and newfound knowledge, it was like we were both coming out together.

Thank you to my therapist who organized coming out groups for women married to men. I thought I was the only one in the world. And to all of those women who participated in those groups. It was an honor to come out alongside you.

Thanks to Sisters, the lesbian bar in Philadelphia, that provided a safe meeting place for people like me. And the cute bartender who always called me “hon.” (Yes, I know she called everyone “hon.”)

Thanks to Ellen and Billie Jean and Martina and k.d. and Rosie.

Thank you to my brother who told me he just wanted me to be happy.


Xena, you are a badass babe.

Thanks to Xena: Warrior Princess, who I caught in reruns that summer. I drew my warrior strength from you. Aieeeeee!

Thank you to my friends who just nodded their heads. “Of course,” they all said.

Thank you to everyone who came out before me and paved the way. The life I live today is possible because of you.

Thanks to everyone in my life who accepts me for who I am and gives me the courage to be myself every single day.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

* * *

Who do you need to thank for your coming out?

11 responses to “Gratitude (#NationalComingOutDay)

  1. Feeling gratitude to all of the people you mentioned for being part of your journey and paving the way for you to be the true you–an amazing person, friend, and writer.

  2. I won’t leave a mushy comment, as I usually do. You know how much you have helped me and continue to do so. I love you! Ahhh, mushy always floats it for me…

    • Sometimes things can’t be said except in a mushy way. Those hardest on the outside are usually the mushiest inside. Sending a virtual (and non-mushy) fist bump. Hope things are going ok for you.

  3. theellewordblog

    I love this! ❤

  4. Thank you to Dykes to Watch Out For and Hothead Paison for letting me know being a lesbian didn’t mean you had to lose your sense of humor! Thank you to The Femme/Butch Reader, Stone Butch Blues and Patience and Sarah. And thank you for this sweet post! xottf

  5. Reblogged this on Victor Victoria Blog and commented:
    Some great thoughts from our pal, the Middle-Aged Butch.

  6. Absolutely! This is super-helpful. I watched Seasons 4-5 of Ellen on YouTube over and over when I first started coming out and had my first crush and was all confused and half convinced I’d get kicked out of lesbian meetups for being ‘too straight.’ Ha! Especially the cradle lesbians would crack up, saying, “What? You Didn’t Know????” Sigh.

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