The magical, mystical butch

W’s brother is getting married this weekend. On Sunday, W and I coordinated our outfits for the rehearsal dinner and wedding, making sure my ties won’t clash with her dresses. It’s so exhausting being a lesbian power couple.

Sunday evening, I ended up running out to Kohl’s department store to pick up a few things. I am mostly over the awkwardness that comes from shopping in the men’s department. But on this particular shopping trip, I found myself feeling a bit like a strange mythical being. Kinda sorta like a centaur — one creature from the waist up and another from the waist down.

images7RMEIAOUWhile I was standing in the checkout line, I channeled my inner unicorn and reminded myself that I am a magical, mystical creature. I am a big, bad, beautiful butch. I stood head up, shoulders back.

As I daydreamed about rainbows and flying horses, I heard the cashier’s overenthusiastic cry.

“Can I help you, sir?”

I strutted to the register and placed my items down one at a time:

IMG_0472One Chaps-brand purple plaid necktie.

One pair of navy suspenders.

One Casio-brand retro wristwatch.

One white, wireless brassiere.

Welcome to my world, I thought. Imagine what it’s like to be me.

The young woman quickly rang up the items and placed them in a bag and sent me on my way.

I hurried home to show W my new wares.

* * *

For fun, check out this quiz that answers that age-old question: What kind of magical creature are you?

imagesAFUH18YFI got Liger. “You are like a lion and tiger mixed bred for skills in magic! You are unique and not afraid to be yourself. (And you actually do exist.)”

How did they know?

What kind of magical creature are you?

You can take the quiz here or just respond with the creature you think is most like you. Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun.



19 responses to “The magical, mystical butch

  1. I like your eclectic shopping bag. It’s you. That’s a good thing to be. By the way, I’m a unicorn!

  2. Love the tie and watch! I’m a Fairy. But a badass one with a bow and arrows. 😀

  3. Uh, mermaid? I think I want a do over. I think the Liger represents you well, “mixed bred for skills in magic.” You do work magic with your words.

    • Maybe the mermaid is related to your skinny dipping story. I’ll take Liger. And thanks for the kind words about my writing. It’s starting to feel like magic again, which I’ve missed.

  4. I, apparently, am a mermaid.

    Granted, I prefer to swim topless. But I don’t love the idea of having scales.

    Though it should figure. I’m a Pisces.

    • Hmmm, no one seems happy with the mermaid designation. Being a Pisces, it makes total sense. I’m a Pisces, too, but would look silly with that bikini top and long, flowing hair.

      • The description is apt in terms of characteristics. Except for “outgoing” – unless I can be an outgoing introvert(?)

        I know my folklore though; therein lies a problem? Lure men to their doom? Nah. Though I *do* lure my hubby to do the dishes. Does that count? Perhaps I should rename the kitchen sink “Doom.” […pondering…]

  5. I got mermaid. How ironic. Do they have butch mermaids? Or is that an oxymoron?

  6. I got Unicorn. But I’m not sure it fits. 🙂

  7. A mermaid!!! Seriously???? I am the furthest thing from a mermaid. Some sort of mountain dwelling critter would be far more apt! … ahh well, you pays yer money and yer takes yer chances wif these things! 😀

  8. Hmm. I got Fairy, but I’m claiming Elf, which is a type of fairy. Less ethereal and more intimidating. Plus, ale.

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