On the verge in 2016

2015 was a pretty spectacular year for your favorite butch blogger.

I landed a publishing contract and my book, Leaving Normal: Adventures in Gender, was released on June 26. If you’re keeping score at home, that’s the same day the U.S. Supreme Court issued its marriage equality ruling.

W and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.


Call me a sucker for a head of feathered hair back in the day.

I not only survived my first public speaking gig but shined. Like Farrah Fawcett’s pretty feathered hair circa 1974.

I was sitting in my writers’ group right before the holidays thinking about how far I’ve come and outlining goals for 2016. I was feeling joyful and content surrounded by writers who are not only colleagues but friends.

And that’s when I realized how close I am to having it all figured out. To being happy and content in all aspects of my life.

W and I always talk about being “on the verge.” You know that place, don’t you?

Sure, things are good now. But you’re on the verge of something better.  You’re almost there. You’re so close. You just need to figure one thing out, work on that one last thing.

I have this copied in my quote journal:

“I’ll probably really figure out exactly how to be alive right when I’m gasping for my last breath.”

— Jane Hamilton, The Book of Ruth


Do I smell an Emmy? And Tony for the musical version?

I used to think that would be me. Having a giant epiphany about how to live when I’m on my deathbed. It would be so dramatic. Hilary Swank would play me in the Lifetime made for TV movie. The all-flannel wardrobe would be designed by Michael Kors or maybe the guy who designs the Chaps brand for Kohl’s.

I had a real epiphany at my writers’ group that day. We’re always “on the verge.” All of us. At least if you’re growing. That’s life. One verge after another.

The trick is to enjoy the ride.

So, 2016? Bring it on.

* * *

What about you?  What are you on the verge of in 2016?

13 responses to “On the verge in 2016

  1. ;). For me, marriage date set for feb and our baby boy being born in May. Hope you are well.

  2. Haha the all-flannel wardrobe… sounds like heaven. I think that in itself would breed an epiphany, because there would be nothing to worry about if you were clad in full flannel.

    I’m on the verge of becoming an adult. I will open a retirement account, I will keep my insecurities contained and deal with them in a healthy manner, I will develop a routine that works for me, a schedule for when to get to lab and when to leave lab. I’m making small changes: reading more books rather than watching tv late at night, drinking less (starting after NYE…), being more diligent about saving, calling my parents more often, being more body positive, setting more realistic goals. I hope these beget real change and push me over the precipice, and I’ll see what the next “verge” will be…

  3. In some ways I feel like PlainT, on the verge of becoming an adult, even though I am north of 60. Many opportunities and challenges on my path in 2016, but I am not running scared any more. “The verge” is a thrilling place to be.

    • I think it’s a common feeling. Feeling like we’re still kids even though we have houses and spouses, etc. I usually feel like I’m playing house. Those kid feelings are hard to shake.

      • I’m beginning to think I may never feel internally older than 25, though the trappings of my life look more and more settled and “grown up.” If I’m lucky enough to reach 60, will I still feel like I’m making this all up as I go along? Not a bad way to feel, to be honest–but funny to think that through all of my childhood, maybe my parents felt like they were just making it up, too. Maybe all of us still feel a little 25.

      • I think we’re all in the same place. Faking this whole adulthood thing. If everyone only knew we’re just kids playing dress up.

  4. I never thought of it this way “…on the verge..” great way to put it! Yes, I know the feeling, you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve got a lot on my plate for the start of 2016, I just hope I can get through it and things will smooth out as the year progresses. Happy New Year and congrats on your accomplishments for 2015!!! Peace! ~MB

  5. I guess this makes us all 2016 verge-ins! 😀

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