Becoming me, un-becoming other stuff

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.  Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

— Unknown

I scribbled this quote on a post-it note a few months ago.  It struck a chord and then got buried in the pile of paper that lives on my desk.

Blank slateI used to think we are all blank slates at birth and that life writes on those slates with chalk and Sharpie markers and spray paint and whatever other art supplies the universe has at the ready.

Now, I’m pretty sure we start out as fully formed works of art buried in blocks of marble.  Life is all about chipping away at that block until we are revealed, perfect, beautiful, glorious.  The way we had been all along.

Yesterday for Mother’s Day, I bought my mom a white mug that simply stated, “You Are a Good Mom.”

I wanted her to know that.  I wanted to tell her sorry for being such a difficult kid.  A moody child.  A girl who was perhaps more boy and who came without instructions.  (P.S. There was no mug that said all that.  Stupid Hallmark.)

I know my mother did the best she could trying to mold me into a respectable young lady.  Some 30 years later, I am still trying to undo all of her well-intentioned doing.

I know I am a challenge.

Climbing fencesIn my wedding vows, I quoted the Melissa Etheridge line: “You found out to love me, you have to climb some fences.”

W commented the other night that she wasn’t doing so well climbing those fences.  (Yes, Glitter-Gate reared its sparkly head once again.  You can read about that here and here.)

“You know it’s me, not you, right?” I asked.

She nodded her head.  She wasn’t didn’t seem convinced.

I try not to apologize for being me.

But I am still difficult and moody.

And there is no rulebook for loving a girl who is perhaps more boy.

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7 responses to “Becoming me, un-becoming other stuff

  1. Was it Michelangelo that said he chiselled to set the angel free from the marble? In any case, I agree that to a great extent we need to unbecome what was forced upon us by societal norms and beliefs: “A girl who whistles, will not get a man” and more such horse manure. Some of us start the process early in life, others like me cower in a recessed corner of the mind till we can bear it no longer and only then start the process of unbecoming, which can be unsettling to those who love is. But it is a necessary process, driven by need to be set free at last. I am sure W loves you enough to patiently wait for the real, emerged you. Take care.

  2. I love the quote at the beginning of this post. Thanks for sharing that.

  3. Thanks to all for your quotes. They all resonate. Here’s another quote I don’t know who to tribute to: “Tears are the water Goddess uses to mold the clay.” Much molding went on for me/many as so many tears were shed. Used to blame Mom and Goddess for my pain; now don’t blame anyone. I’m mostly happy with my tomboy self. I say mostly because I’m still a woman in a woman’s body. That’s kind of hard for me to reckon with at times. Not wanting to be a man or a woman. Just want to go back to climbing trees and building forts. I feel like Peter Pan, not wanting to grow up.

    • Thanks for adding another solid quote. Interesting about the tomboy/boy thing. So many of us identify that way. Not as men but boys. I wonder if it’s because we were deprived of those boy things we craved growing up. For me, I wanted boy clothes and drum lessons, Big Jim action figures instead of Barbie dolls, Matchbox cars and slot race car sets, the possibility of having a career as a baseball player. Luckily, I had a brother who sometimes shared his toys.

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