‘Don’t,’ said the butch

Don'tSo, what have we learned from these last two posts?

No. 1: Middle-age butch has trouble with letting go.

No. 2: Never glitter a butch.

No. 3: Or you will never hear the end of it.

No. 4: For realz.

And now for all you math geeks: According to our poll, 38 percent of you said it’s best to never ever glitter a butch.  I’m guessing the femmes out there agreed that butches are magical creatures.  That captured 31 percent of the vote.  Three of you, or 23 percent, suggested, butch or no butch, never let glitter get the best of you because it’s just glitter.  And one of you indicated that butches are big whiny crybabies.

So, yeah, never glitter a butch.

And here are some more things you shouldn’t do:

* Tell her that her tie is pretty.

* Buy her a drink that comes with a side of fruit and an umbrella like a Malibu Bay Breeze.

* Ask her if she is growing out her hair.

* Ask her to hold your purse.

* Try to hold a conversation with her while she’s watching the game.

* Ask her if her name is short for something else.

* Tell her she would look better with a little foundation and blush.

* Ask to borrow her curling iron.

* * *

Your turn.  What’s your best butch don’t?

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21 responses to “‘Don’t,’ said the butch

  1. lol i missed the weigh-in. sounds like it was fun tho. glitter or not to glitter. well…if you’re comfortable with your sexual identity, should it really matter if you’re covered in glitter or not? just a thought 😉

    • Thanks for weighing in. Not an issue of sexuality but gender. And yes, if I was more secure with who I am it — glitter or no glitter –probably wouldn’t have mattered. But what can I say? I am a work in progress. A student. I am confident that one day I will get to where I’m going. I will manifest the person I am inside. As for now, I take things one day at a time and hope and pray for the best.

  2. Don’t stand back at a doorway to let her enter first.
    And point the one who said butches are big whiny crybabies out the door. No, shame, on second thoughts, let her stay and be educated. Poor lost soul.

    • Good one. Chivalry is never dead with a butch around. We love holding the door for you.

      And don’t worry about that one rogue voter. Probably just doesn’t get the whole butch thing.

  3. I’m very sure you’ve alluded to being alittle soft on the inside 😉

  4. Tell the butch she should wear a dress to make her grandmother happy because you know, she’s “getting up there.”

  5. Don’t interrupt a good Sunday afternoon snooze …just to talk about some tv show you just watched!

    Don’t try to paint a Butch’s nails…because it will be fun!!… NO it won’t!

    for the love of all things Sacred… don’t name their new vehicle ..Lady Bug or Daisy!! …. Rolling Thunder or War Wagon … is acceptable! ( don’t ask… long story… she won)

    if a Butch buys a small car such as an Aveo…. it is NOT a cute car! ….it is economical don’t ever call it Cute!! aaarrrggghhh!!!

    eh that’s all I got right now … oh yeah … a big NO on the whole glitter thang… Glitter is Kryptonite to a Butch… bad bad bad stuff… in fact it can cause a severe allergic reaction and if seen in public with even a smidgen of glitter on them can cause instant and agonizing and quite severe death ! plus their Butch friends will crucify them for eternity! bad evil vile stuff created from the deepest darkest bowels of the netherworld glitter is!!

    • Well, now we all know how you feel about glitter. A big second on the nap thing. Never wake a snoozing butch. Ditto on the nails. It wouldn’t be fun for anyone. Ever. Best not to use the word “cute” at all. Try “handsome” or “rugged.” Or even “practical.”

  6. Ask her to be a bridesmaid.

  7. So I think your next book should be TheHumorousButch. You could even change your name to TheHumorousMiddleAgeButch. Could be a great pen name. TheHumorousButch by the HumorousMiddleAgeButch. Seriously..

  8. * Never mistake hir lucky game t-shirt for a rag – even when the holes are larger than the material left on it.

    * Don’t call hir the silly pet name shi secretly loves in front of others, especially hir friends. And, if you do, get the other spouses to divulge the same – then sit back and enjoy the grumpfest.

  9. I read this and laughed so hard I shot coffee out my nose. Glitter. I’m a glitter-lovin’ butch, and my brat loves the glitter too. In fact, we are doing a craft this very morning that strongly features glitter, and we are both rubbing our hands together in glee at the prospect. My genderqueer butch girlfriend, well, the mere mention of glitter and she shudders deeply. She is very tolerant of me and my obsession with things sparkly. But I’m more genderfluid than she is, and see no issue with dressing dapper and having sparkly nail polish on at the same time.

    • And, I love my big butch grrl, but she is such a whiny baby at time it defies reason. I am a stoic in comparison. Her voice even gets high when she is on a whine-fest. OMG. We are such an odd pair of butches, but it works.

      • Hey, as long as it works for you. We are all unique, and that’s what makes us great. And beautiful.

        I can be a bit of a whiner, but usually it’s because I want my girl’s attention. Her hands running through my hair, soft words in my ear.

    • To each his/her own. Guess that’s what makes the world go ’round. Glitter is this butch’s kryptonite.

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