With apologies to Oprah …
What I know for sure
1. The butchest woman in the room will always have the prettiest name like Daisy or Pitter, which is the sound a fairy wing makes when it flutters in the open air.
2. There will never be a bathing suit that is perfect for a butch.
3. You can’t have too much flannel.
4. Can I Help You, Sir? is a great name for an all-butch rock band.
5. Chivalry will never die as long as there’s one butch left on the planet.
6. Butches are magical creatures who bend the rules of time. That’s why a butch can be mistaken for a teenage boy and a middle-aged man all in the same day.
7. The butch nod is invisible to the nonbutch, much like unicorns are invisible to nonbelievers.
8. Butches don’t walk, they strut.
9. Butches don’t cry. Their eyes leak water.
10. Butches have a marshmallow center.
11. Butches are loyal and dependable and tender hearted, even though they will tell you that they are not.
Also, I am experimenting with some butch merchandise. Check out this cool coffee mug. If that doesn’t say butch, I don’t know what does. Note: Mug says “butch.” Right on it.
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What about you? What do you know for sure?