I was standing in the self-checkout line in the grocery store earlier this week. A man who was in line in front of me left his cart to grab something he had forgotten. I could see him motion to the woman behind him to go ahead and take his spot.
I didn’t know how long he’d be gone and I was impatient, so I moved ahead one space in front of his unattended cart.
He returned in less than a minute carrying a single roll of paper towels.
“I told her she could take my space,” he said. “Not you.”
He was smiling and laughing when he said it. The words “good natured” come to mind.
I apologized and stepped back into my original spot.
“Besides, she’s better looking than you,” he said.
In a conventional sense of attractiveness, she was. Soccer mom type. Yoga pants. Decent looking.
I scanned my mind for a quick comeback.
It all depends on what you’re into, pal.
My wife would disagree with you.
She’s certainly better looking than you, too.
I’m not an on-the-spot kind of person, so I just stood there with a smile on my face.
In the end, he clapped me on the shoulder and insisted I take his spot in line. I wasn’t sure if he was being nice or if had had started to feel guilty about what he had said. No hard feelings, y’know?
So, this is for all of you quick thinkers out there. What should I have said? Give me your best lesbian comeback for this situation.