Shaking hands with Star-Lord

W and I did the picnic thing over the long Labor Day weekend.

On Saturday, we went to a potluck picnic at a winery.  Everyone knows a potluck never really begins until the lesbians arrive.

We brought a banana cake with cream cheese icing.

The party had officially started.

I spent a good portion of my time talking with a guy who’s about my age.  We’ve met before at other events thrown by these hosts.


I was at a picnic with Star-Lord.

Mostly, we talked about Guardians of the Galaxy, baseball (my team the Phillies and his team the Orioles), football (my team the Steelers and his team the Ravens) and his bathroom home improvement project.  I’ll call him Star-Lord (not his real name) because we talked a lot about Guardians of the Galaxy.  Besideswhat’s not to like about Star-Lord?  Anyone who dances to music from the 1970s — Cherry Bomb, anyone? — is ok in my book.

I have a difficult time connecting with men in general.  There are only a handful of guys that I feel comfortable around.  Star-Lord is one of those guys.

When Star-Lord was leaving the potluck, he confidently stuck out his hand.

We shook hands, and that’s how we said goodbye.

Maybe that’s why Star-Lord and I get along so well.  We have a lot in common (even though he’s a Ravens fan and I’m a Steelers fan). He gets me.  He’s not uncomfortable with how I present.  He sees me as I am: A masculine-centered woman who would prefer to shake hands as a farewell gesture instead of hug.

I was not raised by huggers.

My brother and I fist bump.


I side hug you.

Sometimes my mother hugs me, but it is more of a side hug as if we are Duggar daughters on a date.

W comes from a long line of huggers.

Her brothers get a kick out of rushing me and hugging me long and hard like human bears because they know I am not a hugger.

I appreciate that they have accepted me into their family.  I participate in their hugging ritual because it means I am part of things.  I am in the mix.  I am one of the guys.

The worst is the half hug.  You know, when someone leans in but doesn’t really commit.  I get stuck on the receiving end of those a lot.  Sometimes people don’t know what to do with me.  The half hug is uncomfortable and awkward.

That’s why I appreciated Star-Lord’s extended hand.

There was no guessing, no stumbling, no fumbling.

Sometimes a firm, decisive handshake says it all.

* * *

How about you? Are you a hugger or a handshaker?

21 responses to “Shaking hands with Star-Lord

  1. Ooooh, I love this question! 🙂

    Personal space is a HUGE deal to me. And I am very squicky about touch.

    And I’m sort of like a grizzly bear. I could give you a big ole bear hug… Or I could eat you. You never know.

    So if you are one of My People, and you are a hugger/cuddler/snuggler, then I am all about it. C’mere, you!

    But if you are not… Or if you are, but you don’t dig on physical affection…

    Well, to borrow a line from Patrick Swayze: This is my dance space; that is yours.

  2. You can come to my house for a pot-luck anytime if you bring banana cake.
    Donna has tried to turn me into a kiss other people goodbye person, but I still find it awkward. I was raised by icebergs, so I am more likely to wave goodbye.

    • It is an exceptional banana cake. Moist and dense with cream cheese icing that’s an inch high.

      I think it all goes back to how you were raised. We showed our love through sarcasm and insults. Hugs and kisses? Blech.

      I tried waving goodnight to W last night. She just rolled her eyes. I thought she was put off by the type of wave I used so I switched to the Queen’s wave. That didn’t seem to help.

  3. I come from a sarcasm and insult type of love family too. I resented it as a child.
    So, as an adult, I have established a love and affection style family energy. We hug everyone, and we tell nearly everyone that we love them.
    Even the ones that squirm.

  4. I prevent hugging whenever I can and mostly get away with it. I get a secret kick out of it when huggers insist on well, hugging, and my hearing aid squeals! The next time they are more wary.
    Banana cake? Never had any. Mail some, please? 🙂

  5. I’m a hugger, but I also have great radar. (hugdar) 🙂 … And they come from my heart. Hugs without heart are just air kisses with groping potential. Ugh!

  6. I have nominated you for the “Very Inspiring Blogger” Award – if you have done this before, no problem. I just wanted to thank you and wish you well.

  7. I’m definitely a hugger! I wasn’t originally but I’ve made it to the huggers side 🙂

  8. I learned how to hug when I was in my twenties. My parents never hugged me and never told me that they loved me. That was just the way my family was.

    So, now, it all depends. I am not a huge hugger but I do it when necessary. And I just can’t handle too much of an American way of hugging everybody.

    Thank God, Canadians are a bit more stand offish and do not smother you right away.

    Don’t get me wrong, hugs are a nice gesture and can make or break your day.

  9. I think you’ve been nominated already, but I appreciate your blog. Thanks for being awesome.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s