A love letter

“Do you know your blog is a love letter to me?” W asked me one day.

I had never really thought about it like that.

And then people started commenting about how hopelessly romantic my blog is. Amid swoons and sighs, they responded with awwws and how sweets.

xx

Really?  The Flannel Files?  An Internet hub for love and other mushy stuff?

To borrow a line from Amy Poehler, really?  The ultra-tough, uber-studly Flannel Files?  That place where it’s cool for girls to talk about neckties and motorcycle boots, cleavage and butchdar?

It seems to hit a nerve every time.  People are either searching for true love or in the middle of a love-filled relationship and realize how very lucky they are.  At the end of the day when the sun is going down like a big red rubber dodgeball in the sky, we all want to be watching hand-in-hand with someone who makes our hearts beat like a bongo drum.  Bong bong.

So, why all the talk about love, Middle-age Butch?  What about baseball and beer?  Tattoos?  Mila Kunis?  The upcoming Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition?

W and I seem to have located the sweet spot of love.

Sometimes I wonder when it will all end.  When we’ll have hit our limit, used up our magic.

We are soft and pink like this.

We are soft and pink like this.

But we continue to grow together, and I think that’s the key.  We are constantly growing, learning, stretching ourselves.  Sometimes we are reaching for the same thing and sometimes not.  Right now, we are pliable like fresh eggs of silly putty.

We seem new again.

I tell her in the morning that she has sexy morning hair.

She crinkles her nose.

I tell her in the evening that she has sexy night hair.

“No, I don’t,” she says.  She bites her lip to keep from smiling.

She looks sexy in her new gray nightgown.  And the pale blue one.  And the black one.

I love you this much.

I love you this much.

This is when I know I am in love.

Not again because I was in love last month and the month before that.

I start to wonder if this love is stronger or deeper or truer than the love I had for W in April or January or 2011 or 2009.  Or has it been there all along — this deep, rich love that is new and old at the same time?

I’m not sure that it matters.  Just that I feel it.  And acknowledge it.  And tell W that I love her.  That I always have and always will.

I am reminded of this quote by Alice Walker from The Temple of My Familiar:

“Some people don’t understand that it is the nature of the eye to have seen forever, and the nature of the mind to recall anything that was ever known.”

What about the heart?

xx

Open to love.

I imagine my heart an advent calendar covered in cardboard doors.  They’ve been there forever.  They were just waiting for the right person to come along and open them up.

Maybe W was right.  This is a love letter to her.

It has been the whole time.

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9 responses to “A love letter

  1. Now I am swooning into a puddle of melted butter. You put a smile on my face and a flutter in my heart, all with your words (and the image of W’s cute crinkled nose). Thank you for sharing your love of W with the rest of the world.

    • Melted butter … makes me think of lobster tails. I would tell you that I have a romantic dinner of lobster tails and chocolate fondue waiting for W tonight but that would be overkill and untrue. Glad you liked the post. Maybe I should try my hand at romance novels someday.

  2. Not so much a love letter as a gallery of love. Each post painting a picture of a different aspect of your love for your wife. And visiting this ‘gallery’ has the same effect (on me at any rate) that visiting a picture gallery would have. Sometimes I gaze closely and love the brushstrokes as well as the actual picture and sometimes I stand back and just admire the overall scene that you’ve painted.
    Perhaps when we are lucky enough to love and be in love with the person we are spending our life with it seeps into everything we do; be it words, pictures, songs, food etc.

    Personally I love the way you use your words to let us see a slice of the love you feel for W and how that love makes you feel. It’s a privilege to read and it also makes me appreciate my own love for my wife that much more and the way in which that love grows; not so much in depth but in it’s breadth. 14 years on from our first kiss, I’m still learning things, I’m still seeing things for the first time and we are still moving forward together. There are times when we move off of the same page, in fact there have been a few times when we may have been in different chapters, but we always remain in the same book – living the same story or perhaps making that story together.

    And you should definitely try your hand at a romance. Who better to write a butch character…

  3. butches are some of the most romantic people on the planet.. at least the good ones ❤

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