The plumber’s message

I felt like this guy.

Long story short: Our pipes froze in the arctic-like temperatures that have plagued most of the country. We had no water this past weekend, which made this butch kinda stinky and grouchy. Sort of like Oscar the Grouch, because I couldn’t rock my Axe body wash. It does promise “unlimited female attention” after all.

So, we had a plumber come out today and assess the situation. Good news: We now have hot and cold running water. Bad news: He had to cut and cap the water lines so we can’t use our downstairs bathroom or washing machine.

I guess I just shrugged off the inconvenience. “At least we have hot water for a shower,” I said. (I didn’t mention my Axe.) “And the laundry mat is right down the street,” I added.

He started advising me on filing an insurance claim but then looked me right in the eye and said he wanted to tell me something “off the record.”

“People like you and me, we’re laid back. We’re nice guys. We don’t make a big deal over things, which means that we usually get screwed over.”

Shit. This guy had me pegged.

He told me to get aggressive with the insurance company. Put on a different hat when calling.  Squeaky wheel and all.

I had talked to W earlier in the morning, and she asked if I had read my Freewill Astrology last week.

How do you like your tests? Short, intense, and dramatic? Or leisurely, drawn-out, and low-pressure? Here’s another question: Do you prefer to pick out the tests you take, making sure they’re good fits for the precise lessons you want to master? Or do you find it more exciting and adventurous to let fate determine what unpredictable tests get sent your way? Ruminate about these matters, Pisces. You’re due for a nice big test sometime soon, and it’s in your interest to help shape and define how everything unfolds.

“Maybe this is your test,” she suggested.

I knew as soon as the plumber looked me in the eye and spoke off the record that this whole thing was about more than a frozen pipe and my inability to use my female-attracting body gel for two whole days.

I need to be more aggressive. Not just with the insurance company, but with everything in my life that means something. My writing came to mind.

Because here’s the thing about your favorite butch blogger, I don’t really feel like I’m entitled to much in this life. So maybe it’s time that I don’t wait for the stars to align and rainbows and pots of gold to fall from the sky. Maybe it’s time that I reach out and grab what I want, what I deserve. Much like the way I grab W when she comes home from work every night.

Sometimes we have to create our own rainbows.

After the plumber left, I called W with the update.

She was upset, and I tried my best to allay her worries.

“It wasn’t just about the pipes,” I tried to explain. “The plumber had a message for me,” I added, trying my best not to sound too creepy. “Everything will be okay.”

Because in the end it’s just pipes and water. We have each other, and that’s what really matters.

As the plumber left, I mentioned again my hot shower (again leaving out any reference to the teenage boy shower gel that I use). I don’t know if it was the twinkle in my eye or my visible excitement over a hot shower.

“You’d make a great wife,” he said.

Damn straight.