Do you have a voice that tells you that you can’t?
- Can’t write.
- Can’t get in shape.
- Can’t fix what’s broken.
- Can’t be successful.
- Oh, and your blog sucks, too.
Interestingly, the more positive things that I do, the louder voice.
Here’s a snippet of a recent conversation between myself and my saboteur:
Saboteur: Hey, dumbass.
Me: What? I told you that I’m busy writing.
Saboteur: Writing. Right. If that’s what you want to call it, Hemingway.
Me: Yeah, that’s what I call it. Writing.
Saboteur: Anywho, I was just thinking that maybe me and you should get caught up on our Millionaire Matchmaker and L.A. Shrinks. You know Patty is getting engaged, right? And we could take a nice long nap between shows. Maybe play some pinball on the iPad.
Me: Maybe later. I’ve got a head of steam and I want to crank out another chapter by Wednesday.
Saboteur: Right. About this writing thing. I was just thinking. I mean, who is going to want to read that garbage anyway? Besides you, of course. You know how self-absorbed you are. It’s always me, me, me. My hair’s on fire. Put me out.
Me: Lots of people. Everyone in my writers’ group seemed to like it.
Saboteur: Of course they did. They have to say that. It’s in the bylaws. Plus, they probably feel sorry for you. Forty-six years old and look at you. Writing stories about your stupid, pitiful life.
Me: Ok, there are no bylaws. I think. And, people love my stories.
Saboteur: If by “love” you mean “are repulsed by,” you are correct.
Me: Go away!
* * *
My saboteur seems to feed on self-doubt, which means that all of his meals are super-sized these days.
But here I sit, plugging away. Trying to quiet the voice with the click clack of my keyboard. It works sometimes.
On other days, I don’t know why I bother. There are episodes of Hoarders that I haven’t seen. And, I deserve a nap in the middle of the day. I am 46 years old, after all.
Luckily, there is a quiet voice that comes from deep down inside that tells me that I can. It tells me to keep writing. Keep at it, kid. What do you have to lose? You can do it. Always could. You just haven’t figured that part out yet. But, you will. You most certainly will.
How about you? Do you have a saboteur voice? A savior voice? What do they sound like? What do they tell you? Do you listen to them?