We were robbed over the weekend.
Before you worry your pretty little heads, know that no one was hurt. We’re all safe — me, W, the kids and the cats.
It was the strangest thing. Perhaps that’s they very nature of a senseless crime. Strange. After all, it’s an not an everyday occurrence. Unless you’re a cop. Or a criminal, for that matter.
So, what did they take? I use the word “they,” because I have a sense that there was more than one of them. A pair, or criminal duo. Or more likely three or four, which would translate into a full-blown crime team. I’m fairly certain they had a ringleader, several lackeys, maybe even a couple of thugs. We can’t be sure. I mean, who can really say.
They took our Purina Tender Moments Whisker Lickin’s (chicken flavor). I use the word “took” in an attempt to mitigate the violent nature of this heinous crime. The scofflaws viciously tore through the vacuum-sealed Whisker Lickin’s package and helped themselves to the tender morsels nestled inside. The brutal manner in which they violated the package indicates that they were sorely in need of a poultry fix.
WARNING … ACTUAL CRIME SCENE PHOTOS FOLLOW …
After closer examination of the evidence, it seems that the perpetrators might have used their teeth to actually tear through the foil-lined package just like some sort of wild animal. In fact, pieces of the package were missing from the crime scene. I wonder if the scoundrels took the fragments with them to cover their tracks or actually ingested pieces of the wrapper in their chicken-crazed haste.
The crime occurred while we were out of the house for the day. Thank God.
The cats were home, though.
We asked them about it. Did you see anything? Did you hear anything? Did you notice anything unusual?
Moon just turned his head and stared blankly out the window.
Magic jumped inside a laundry basket.
It was a terrible case of PTCD (post-traumatic cat disorder). Perhaps the worst I’ve ever seen.
“Curse you villains!” I shouted, shaking my closed fist wildly at the unidentified assailants. “What cruel folly is this!”
Moon turned his head the other way.
Magic sat in the laundry basket.
I opened a new pack of Whisker Lickin’s and fed them each three soft, tender pieces to calm their nerves.