Still working on that letting go thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s going to be a big DIY project like a complete kitchen makeover instead of just a weekend paint-the-powder-room chore.
I’ve decided that, yes, letting go must be accompanied by something. A noise, a gesture, a word, something.
It’s that whole tree-in-the-forest thing. If I let go silently and without fanfare, did I really just let go of anything?
So now every time that I let go of something I’ve decided to let air escape from between my lips. Small, short puffs.
So far, I’ve been practicing letting go of little everyday things.
Like when my son tells me that writing is not a creative endeavor. Pfffff.
Someone forgets to put away the milk. Pffff.
Or, I leave the house and one of the kids eats a bowl of cereal as an after-school snack (along with a granola bar, a chocolate chip muffin, two bags of microwave popcorn and a can of ravioli) in violation of my one-bowl-a-day cereal rule. Pfffff.
As you can probably tell, I’m still letting go of that one. Pffff. Pffff.
The whole exhaling thing is kind of weird for me. This may sound strange, but I’m not a big fan of breathing.
I think deep, cleansing breaths are overrated. I’ve always preferred shallow breaths. In and out, in and out, in and out. It’s all that’s really needed to maintain and exist. No need to get all dramatic and showy and flashy with deep breathing.
When I was giving birth to my son, the nurse suggested that I use some of the breathing techniques that I had learned in childbirth class.
“Ah, yeah, no,” I responded.
I just held my breath and gritted my teeth through the contractions and the pain. The epidural helped. A lot.
Around 11:00 p.m., the doctor came in and said the baby would be making his appearance the following day. I disagreed and declared that he would be born within the hour. So, running on pure will and determination and stubbornness, I pushed him out at 11:50. Deep breathing not needed.
I do feel like the small, quick breaths that I’m associating with letting go are helping. I imagine myself getting rid of the bad stuff — the thoughts, the negativity, the energy — before it has a chance to root.
Most days I sound like Darth Vader.
But most days I feel cleaner and lighter.
Now if I could just tackle letting go of the bigger stuff. I hate to say it, but I think maybe some deep breaths might be required.