So, I’ve decided to make Little Debbie my new therapist.
I thought why not go all the way and just name Little Debbie as my new official therapist.
Sure, she’s young. And she wears a straw hat tied under her chin. But she makes a delicious and affordable snack cake.
Some children have wisdom beyond their years. Take Doogie Howser, for example.
Oh, Little Debbie, you had me at enrobed.
This whole Little Debbie thing got me thinking about other product spokespeople and the role they could play in my life.
W and I always talk about getting a house girl to help with things around here. You know, hit the bank, pick up the drycleaning, take the kids to the orthodontist. I always pictured her as a Swedish exchange student. Like Uma Thurman in The Producers but younger.
A few nights ago, I told W that we should just get a male nanny, or a Manny, because it might not be a good idea to bring a young, hot, blonde into the house. Just to be safe and all.
I was thinking that Mr. Clean might be able to get the job done. He could keep the boys in line and get the toilet sparkling clean.
The Hamburger Helper hand would make a great masseuse. Or, proctologist.
Snap, Crackle and Pop would be my drug dealers. If I did drugs stronger than Zzzquil and Advil.
I’d hire Mr. Peanut to organize all of my parties, because that monocle screams class. The Kool-Aid pitcher would tend bar. Sam Ronson would DJ because she’s so damn cute.
The Green Giant would work the door and have strict instructions to keep out Lindsey Lohan and Sonny from Cocoa Puffs. That bird is an a-hole.
As you can see, I’m feeling a bit better. Thanks for all the well wishes.
How about you? Which product mascots would you like to hire?