In celebration of National Coming Out Day

In honor of National Coming Out Day, I thought I’d share a few highlights from my own coming out.

I’ve touched on the subject in this post.

But I thought I’d offer these random tidbits:

Oh, Blockbuster, I’ll never forget you

* Our local Blockbuster clerk was the first person that I came out to.  I didn’t exactly say, “Hey, buddy, raging lesbian here.  I’ll need a copy of Show Me Love, Ellen’s latest stand-up special and The L Word Season 2.”

I was much more subtle.  Renting every lesbian movie that Blockbuster had using some list that I procured from the Internet.  Go Fish, check.  When Night Is Falling, check.  But I’m a Cheerleader, check.  Strictly for research purposes, of course.  See all of my favorite lesbian movies here.

* I saw Kissing Jessica Stein days before I came out, which is probably why that movie holds a special place in my heart.  That and Jennifer Westfeldt is super cute.  I can remember watching the movie and feeling like Jessica, Helen and I were learning the ropes of lesbianism together.

Me, Jessica and Helen — beginner lesbians

* My best friend was the first person who I told that I was a lesbian.  I informed her at the tail end of a phone conversation.  Five minutes later, she called back.

Me: Hello.

Friend: I have a question.

Me: Yes?

Friend: Were you ever attracted to me?

Because this is what straight girls want to know when you reveal that you’re a lesbian.  Did you ever want to fuck me?

* I came out to the bulk of my friends and family in a Christmas letter.  Son turned 5 this year and built the Millennium Falcon out of Legos, and oh, by the way, I’m gay.  This is why you should always read every word of those holiday form letters.

I once heard Kurt Vonnegut speak. He was brilliant.

* “I’m gay.”  It’s two words.  They are the hardest words that I ever had to say to my parents.

I love this quote from Kurt Vonnegut.  “If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts.”  I did both.

* My mother had suggested that I stay in the closet until my son turned 16.  He was almost 4 years old when I came out.  Because that would have been so great for his development.

“Son, you know that I like softball.  Well, your mom really, really, really likes softball,” I imagine myself saying.

* * *

If you’re already out, fist bump.  If not, know that it does get better and easier.  It’s certainly a step that you should take when you’re completely ready and not a minute sooner.

Until then, maybe rent some gay or lesbian movies on Netflix.  Tell them middle age butch sent you.

Any coming out tales you’d like to share?

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20 responses to “In celebration of National Coming Out Day

  1. I like that you came out at the end of your Christmas letter. I never read those damn things. I look at the picture and skim the letter. Not anymore. 🙂

  2. Oh my gosh….I sooo needed to read this post today. Not sure at what point in my reading of it that a chuckle began, continued and finally grew into a full-blown belly laugh. Thank you so much!

    As for my own “coming out” story remember the movie “In and Out”? or was it “Out and In”? doesn’t matter, the point being that that title describes my own process….First I was in til my mid twenties….then out for ten years….Then I married a man and went back in and.had a child a year later…The marriage never really worked but we stayed together, and were able to keep things pretty low conflict, for our daughter, who is now 14. I am on my way back out now, but there are a few “minor” details that must be attended to, like “coming out” to my daughter(my husband knew about me when we married) getting employable and employed full-time after working at only half or part-time jobs since my daughter’s birth, to name a couple…Anyway, as these kinds of stories go this one could be much longer but I’ll spare you and any other readers the details…besides, whose blog is this anyway 😉

    But I’m currently doing my own “research” after being on a long hiatus and I have to agree that “Kissing Jessica Stein” is a wonderful movie….just watched it a few days ago. It has very likable characters, including Jessica’s mother…gotta love that woman, and it’s a great story…very relatable. For me though I’m more like Jessica, but in the reverse….not “straight” enough. Thanks “MAB” for sharing another beautifully written story from your Flannel Files.

    • Glad I could make you laugh. Thanks for sharing some of your coming out saga. I think it’s important that we all share our experiences … it makes it easier for those following in our footsteps.

  3. What another great post from you. I do so love your humor! Not only have you made me laugh today but have given me a long list of movies to add to my must watch list. My favorite (ok admittedly my only) lesbian movie is “Elena Undone”. It’s the movie that woke me back up to my own sexuality. As for my coming out story, it’s still in process. I told my lesbian sister and her partner (gee that was a no brainer and they already knew – go figure). I told a couple of my very straight close friends and of course none of them were surprised at all. I told my husband about my one experience and the movie that took me to another world. We’re still working on what this means to our marriage. And of course I’ve told my therapist. We’re also still working out the details of what it means to me. And so the journey continues. Thank YOU for sharing your coming out story and once again making me laugh.

    • You’re so very welcome. I like that people are finding the humor in my own feeble attempts to navigate this world as a woman-loving woman. Have fun watching some of those movies.

  4. Bahahaha. I told my brother: you know your gay gymnast friend? We’re kind of alike. Only I’m not a gymnast.”

  5. I love how I can always count on your blog for a good chuckle!
    I was in the closet until I had minor surgery. I was doped up on pain killers and the anesthesia was still wearing off when my Mother came into the recovery room. I told her how cute my nurse was and, “By the way, Mom, I’ve been sleeping with my physical therapist. She’s great!”. Not my best moment. But I have to wonder… if I wasn’t under the influence and hadn’t come out then, would I still be in the closet?

  6. Storm M. Silvermane

    I have two coming out stories.. One as butch lesbian, as if people could not see it, but surprise.. there were some who could not.. then coming out as Transgender… I will tell them in my blog so I don’t take up all of your space.

  7. As another blogger wrote on his blog, coming out as a gay or lesbian is somehow “easy”. (I mean, you know what to expect). Coming out as a bisexual is another story, because most of the time, you won’t have the support of anyone… which will of course make you feel worse inside added to unaccepted outside…

    People have no idea. But still, congrats to you!

    • Well, you don’t always know what to expect. It’s either going to go well or not. It’s the not knowing part that holds a lot of people back. I would like to think that some people won’t give a crap if you’re bi. I hope this is a topic that you explore in your blog.

      • Well, I’m not sure how deep I can explore my preferences on my blog. The fact is, being bi AND monogamic is a kind of contradiction in itself. A bit like you’d be lesbian, living with a guy you adore and not wanting to hurt him despite the fact you need sex with women… Although that situation would also mean you had made a wrong choice when you married/partnered, which is not my case…

        Still. Being bi – to me – means a physical attraction to both sexes. So, having made the choice of marrying (a wonderful woman btw), being bi shouldn’t be an issue as long as I am faithful, the same way a married guy should limit his attraction to other women…

        So if I told people I’m bi, they will immediately think I’m not faithful, and down go mine and the bi-community’s reputations. Which leads me to think I’ll probably spend the rest of my life talking about bisexuality without even enjoying it 😉

      • middleagebutch

        Well, I hope you find some peace and are able to enjoy who you really are.

  8. So funny! Thanks for sharing! “Kissing Jessica Stein” and a game of Words with Friends are what started the ball rolling between my partner and I. 😉

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